"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay
down his life for his friends."
(John 15:13). The Savior
demonstrated His infinite love for each of us though His atoning
sacrifice. I have pondered on this
statement by Christ, and I believe that if I were put to the test, I am willing
lay down my life for my wife or for each of my seven children. Certainly I am willing to endure a week of misery
for Nicole.
I do not like shots, and I definitely do not like giving
myself shots. The first day (Thursday) I
did one Neupogen shot in each thigh. Since then, for
the past three days I've done them in the abdomen, one shot on each side,
mostly because it is easier for me to relax my abdomen than my thighs. (I was originally going to name this post
"Gut-shot" but that really isn't the focus of the post.) I have to mentally prepare myself to do the
shots. I go through a little ritual
where I take some deep breaths and try to relax and then I first picture the
Savior in my mind, and then I picture Nicole, and then I do the first
shot. It hurts a little, of course, and
I push the syringe very slowly, because it seems to hurt less. Then I do the same with the second shot. After four days, this hasn't gotten any
easier. In fact, it might be getting a
little harder.
I feel achy and tired, like I'm sick with the flu, and I
have a perpetual headache. My hips and
lower back ache in the bone, and sometimes I experience sharp pain and
significant discomfort there, especially when I'm sitting down. I have a hard time falling to sleep, and a
hard time staying asleep. The doctor is
willing to prescribe pain medication if I need it, and perhaps I should have
gotten some, but I've just been taking Tylenol and Ibuprofen and doing ok with
that. I'm not enjoying myself and don't
feel like doing anything, but I can still function.
On the second day (Friday), there was a time when a pain
flare went through me like a wave. It
started in my hips and then rapidly proceeded up my torso like a ring of pain, going
individually through each of my ribs on both sides of my rib-cage until it
reached my collar bone. It was weird,
frightening, and fascinating all at the same time, but it only lasted for a couple
seconds and I haven't experienced that same sensation since.
By the end of next week, I should be feeling just fine. Nicole is the truly brave one, not me, and she still has a
long, long journey ahead. I believe that
I am a better person because of each of my children, but I think Nicole is teaching
me, her mother, and each of her siblings about true courage in the face of
adversity. I pray that God will
strengthen her to go the distance, whatever the end may be.
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