Consider the Lilies - Mormon Tabernacle Choir

Consider the lilies of the field,

How they grow, how they grow.

Consider the birds in the sky,

How they fly, how they fly.



He clothes the lilies of the field.

He feeds the birds in the sky.

And He will feed those who trust Him,

And guide them with His eye.



Consider the sheep of His fold,

How they follow where He leads.

Though the path may wind across the mountains,

He knows the meadows where they feed.



He clothes the lilies of the field.

He feeds the birds in the sky,

And He will feed those who trust Him,

And guide them with His eye.



Consider the sweet, tender children

Who must suffer on this earth.

The pains of all of them He carried

From the day of His birth.



He clothes the lilies of the field,

He feeds the lambs in His fold,

And He will heal those who trust Him,

And make their hearts as gold.



He clothes the lilies of the field,

He feeds the lambs in His fold,

And He will heal those who trust Him,

And make their hearts as gold.



This past week as Nicole been on Steroids.  She's  been really moody.  She'll be happy one minute then the next we can't do anything to calm her down.  Her sister would try to come and play with her and she would yell "stop it" or "be nice" (means go away or give me what I want).  Other times they are dancing around the living room laughing and having a good time. 

We discovered with her first go around with cancer the Tabernacle Choir could calm her down.  We have spent many hours listening and you tubing their music videos.  As we have spent many hours rocking this week I have thought of the words to the song "Consider the Lilies".  Watched the video often with Nicole.  I have read the scripture reference in D&C 84:82 and the surrounding scriptures  "81 Therefore, take ye no thought for the morrow, for what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink, or wherewithal ye shall be clothed.

 82 For, consider the lilies of the field, how they grow, they toil not, neither do they spin; and the kingdoms of the world, in all their glory, are not arrayed like one of these.

 83 For your Father, who is in heaven, knoweth that you have need of all these things.

 84 Therefore, let the morrow take thought for the things of itself."

 

We have no idea what the next weeks hold for us.  But our Father in Heaven does.  He is mindful of each one us.  I like to say He is in the details of our lives.  There is the line in the song "consider the sweet, tender children who must suffer on this earth.  The pain of all of them he carried from the day of his birth." I know that He is has carried our pains and sicknesses. He is mindful of Nicole and what she is going through with Chemo and steroids.  Nicole was willing to come to earth and endure these challenges.  James and I agreed that we would care for her and help her through this challenge in her life. 

If you go further down in the D&C 84:88 "And whoso receiveth you, there I will be also, for I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up".  This is one of my favorite scriptures.  How grateful our family is for the many angels on the other side and here on earth who have, are and will "bear us up".

Now for the facts:)  Nicole will be admitted on Monday for more chemo.  We should only be in for a week.  For the following two weeks we will be going back and forth to primaries for blood draws, blood and platelet transfusion.  After that we are not sure what the plan is ("therefore, take ye no thought for the morrow;)). 

Some people have asked if Nicole has a tumor or if they could remove the tumor.  Nicole does NOT have tumor.  She had a cluster of Leukemic cells.  I can understand the confusing because we referred to the cluster of leukemic cell as a mass or lump/bump.  And it was a mass of leukemic cells.  Leukemia is a blood cancer and can not be surgically removed.  The only way to kill Leukemia cancer is through chemo and for Nicole another Bone Marrow Transplant.



 

The plan for the 2nd round of chemo

Thursday, 2014-03-20

To our surprise, they sent Nicole home from PCMC last Friday, March 14, with her ANC still at zero (everything else was looking good, and they don't like to do discharges on the weekends, and as parents, I think the doctors trust us).  Having Nicole at home has been a wonderful blessing for our entire family.  She was quite grumpy the night she came home, and we've had a couple long nights/days, but overall, Nicole is in excellent spirits, and she has gotten stronger and more like her old-self as she has spent this past week at home.  She is still getting all of her nutrition via a feeding tube, and this morning she was dragging the little backpack around the house that has the formula and the pump attached to her tube - it is great to see her mobile and playing!

We took Nicole back to PCMC on Tuesday, March 18, for out-patient blood tests (ANC was up to 200; still low), an MRI, and to find out the plan for the second chemotherapy block.  We assumed that we'd be told to bring her back at today or tomorrow to be admitted for the second round, but instead received some stunning news...

The doctor explained that the second chemotherapy block would be much different than what we've experienced in the past - the chemo will not be as harsh overall and Nicole will be at home for most of the block!  Cathy and I could hardly believe what the doctor was telling us, but we are, of course, delighted at this prospect.

We will take her down again next Monday, March 24, and they will check her ANC; if it is 750 or above, they will start the second block with a mild chemo drug, and the awful steroid, and then send us home for a week with more doses to be administered at home.  Then the following Monday, March 31, she will be admitted to PCMC for some harsher chemotherapy, however, if things go well, she should only be in the hospital for 4 to 5 days.  Then, for two weeks following that, it sounds like we will be taking her down to the clinic at PCMC for various out-patient lab tests, more chemo, blood transfusions, etc.

So, there will be plenty of work with Nicole at home, and plenty back-and-forth to PCMC, but we are very pleased with this turn of events.  Of course, everything is tentative; if her ANC isn't high enough next Monday, it delays the start of the second chemo block, and we'll end up going to PCMC every couple days to check her ANC until they can start the block.  Also, complications would put her in the hospital for a longer period than planned, but even if we hit some rough spots, it is still a great thing compared to what we've experienced in the past.

We (and the doctors) don't know yet whether they will do a third block of chemotherapy, or just go to transplant after the second block completes.  We also don't know whether they will do a 'traditional' BMT, or do the other transplant option that I mentioned previously (using a parent - I meet the criteria for this type of transplant, Cathy does not).

We are very grateful for the continued support, help, and prayers of family, friends, and neighbors in behalf of our entire family; as Cathy indicated a while back, we feel that we have an army behind us, and we are most thankful for this.  We have already experienced many blessings and miracles (both small and great) on this new journey, and our hearts are drawn out in gratitude to our Heavenly Father for His divine mercy, and to all of the mortal 'angels' who have been His hands and helpers to our family.

 

excited to have Nicole home!!

Feels Like Home Again

Home

Nicole is able to come home for a few days.  We don't know exactly for how long just yet.  (probably one week) Nicole will go back to PCMC on Tuesday March 18 for a clinic visit and for another MRI.  Since the Doctors can't tell if she is in remission through blood draws and bone aspiration they will need to see if there is anything that still looks like a mass in the spot where her lump was.  It will be a guessing game to know if she is in remission. 

Nicole is weak and is slowly getting her strength back.  They were hoping that by getting her home in her own environment would help her with that.  Already her first night back she is wanting to walk around.  She is still wobbly tonight.  But her strength should soon return.

She also needs only seven medications at home.  It may seem like a lot to but after her bone marrow last time around, it feels like nothing.  It did feel like old times to have home health drop off boxes of medication and her feeding tube supplies.  Having the home nurse come was like visiting with an old friend. 

This week as I have been studying a little bit and some scriptures have come to mind; the first is in John 16:33: These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.  In this life we were meant to be tested.  Our Father in Heaven and His son Jesus Christ knew this.  And they will bring us peace.  Our Savior has "overcome" the world. 

The second scripture that keeps coming back to me is in 1 Nephi 7:17: But it came to pass that I prayed unto the Lord, saying: O Lord, according to my faith which is in thee, wilt thou deliver me from the hands of my brethren; yea, even give me strength that I may burst these bands with which I am bound.  Nephi didn't ask for his situation to change but he asked for strength in his situation.

As I have read and re-read these two scriptures and wondered how they blend together, I have felt a witness that the Lord has blessed us with peace.  He is aware of our family and the tribulation that we are facing and also He may not change our tribulation but He will give us the strength to face our tribulation.  With that strength comes the peace we need to face our tribulation with good cheer. 

How grateful I am for the blessing of the gospel.  So much experience and learning goes on during our mortal journey.  There are so many challenges we face here mortality.  This past month I have received witness after witness that we are not left alone.  No matter how bad things may seem to us the Lord will always give us strength to "burst these bands" if we only turn to Him.  He never abandons us!!!

Visiting Miss Nicole

Steroids, Cheese and Burdens

{This was written by my mom, Cathy}

Thursday (March 6) was Nicole last dose of chemo for this round of treatment.  We now just need to wait for her ANC to improve and then we will be able to come home for a few days before we start round 2. 

Since our last post, Nicole just wasn't keeping anything down.  They took her off feeds and just put her on lipids and TPN.  That helped a lot with her nausea. 

The last few days Nicole been starting to feel better. She's been wanting to eat.  She will usually only eat a bit or two, but that is a huge improvement.  Nicole would scream for cheese (with the steroids she just screams). The staff has been super cute to make sure she gets all the cheese she wants (even though she will take one bit, the mucositious causes it to hurt when she swallows).  They are also going to try to start the feeds back up very cautiously and we will see how that will go.

Nicole also finished up her second round of steroids for this block of treatment.  The steroids turned her into a grumpy kid.  She screamed and screamed.  The staff would come in and she would just say "no way, sorry". It was cute how she would apologize for yelling at them. The steroids also caused her blood pressure to increase.  They have her on blood pressure medication.  Hopefully, they can try to decrease that and get her off before we get to go home.

A few days ago James was talking to the girls about our challenges we are facing.  He shared Mosiah 24:12-16

"And Alma and his people did not raise their voice to the Lord their God, but did pour out their hearts to him; and he did know the thoughts of their hearts.

And it came to pass the voice of the Lord came to them in their affiliations, saying: Lift up your heads and be of good comfort, for I know of the covenant which yet have made unto me; and I will covenant with my people and deliver them out of bondage.

And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that he may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, after that he may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.

And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.

And it came to pass that so great was their faith and their patience that the voice of the Lord came unto them again, saying:  be of good comfort, for on the marrow I will deliver you out of bondage."

Notice the Lord didn't say he would remove the burdens. He said He would "ease the burdens".  I too bear my witness the the Lord eases our burdens that they may be light.  He does strengthen you when you call upon him and keep your covenants. As we, the Peterson family, exercise and continue to be patient we too will have our burdens eased.

Every Wednesday the hospital plays a game of bingo.  Every child wins a prize. Here is Nicole playing bingo with her side kick kermit:)

Miracles

{Written by my Dad, James}

Saturday, 2014-03-01 

I know that there is a God in Heaven, and that He hears and answers the prayers of His children. 

Nicole is currently at about the mid-point of her first chemotherapy block; from the last few days through the next week or so is the very worst part of the block, and she received chemotherapy again today.  We had a funeral to attend and our wonderful niece, Erin, sat with Nicole for about 6 hours - Nicole loves Erin, and she is a huge support to us.  Later in the afternoon, we (me, Cathy, Rachel, Ana, Michelle, and Laura) were able to spend some time together as a family with Nicole.  She was not feeling well, but it was good for Nicole to see her sisters, and for them to see her.  Cathy (and Nicole) stayed at PCMC, and I drove home with our other daughters in the late afternoon. 

This evening, after we'd been home for about a half hour, Cathy called; Nicole was very upset and crying (I could hear Nicole wailing quite clearly over the phone).  Cathy said that she'd been going like this for over an hour, and nothing Cathy did made any difference; Nicole was inconsolable.  We knew there would be times like this, but it is still hard to witness her suffering, even though, in this case, I was only hearing it over the phone.  Nicole typically endures a significant amount of discomfort without complaint, and the hospital staff does their best to manage her pain, but in addition to that challenge, one of the steroids she is receiving can cause irritability, anxiety, confusion, anger, and psychosis, among other things. 

I thought to myself, I know that there are many, many people praying for Nicole.  They may not be praying right this instant, and they don't know about this specific challenge she's going through, but people are calling upon God and exercising great faith in Him in my daughter's behalf, and she needs the blessing of that right now. 

I also recalled that when the Savior was suffering for our sins in the Garden of Gethsemane, it is written that "he prayed more earnestly."  So it seems that even the Son of God, who walked a perfect life, and who prayed continually to His Father, could, when the circumstance demanded it, pray "more earnestly."  Luke recorded (in Luke 22:44): "And being in an agony, he prayed more earnestly: and his sweat was as it were great drops of blood falling down to the ground." 

I got off the phone with Cathy and gathered my four other daughters at home with me, and we knelt down and united ourselves in prayer, and petitioned our Heavenly Father to exercise His power and give her respite from her pain, and to speak comfort to her spirit.  It was not a particularly lengthy prayer, but it was earnest. 

A few minutes later, Cathy texted, "She calmed down".  I know that there is a God in Heaven, and that He hears and answers the prayers of His children. 

Last month, I attended a fast and testimony meeting in the Hyrum 7th ward.  A young girl named Emma bore her testimony and said, "I know that God loves us, and that He cries with us."  This was before we knew Nicole had relapsed, but I gave a wholehearted "Amen" at the conclusion of her brief testimony because of things I'd witnessed during Nicole's first battle with AML and ALL. 

I do not know the meaning of all things, but I do know that God loves His children (see 1NE 11:17), and I do know that He cries with us.  And I am most grateful for His immediate response in blessing Nicole this evening. 

Miracles like this happen all of the time, and they help to strengthen me at the other times when God's response isn't what I desire, and is simply, "Be patient," instead.

Polishing

{Written by my Mom, Cathy}

This week Nicole is starting to feel the effects of chemo. Her ANC is now at zero, which means she is confined to her room. 

She stopped eating and after four days of not eating they decided that it was time to put in a feeding tube.  Since they put in the feeding she has thrown it up several times. When she vomits, the feeding tube comes up. As a result, they need to put it back in almost every day sometimes more then once. 

She has lost a lot of energy and mostly wants to lay in her bed and watch movies.  She needed blood and two platelet transfusion this week. These transfusions help increase her energy levels. We call her our little vampire:)

We also had to make the decision to shave her hair off because it was beginning to fall out.  Her hair was covering her bed and pillow. She would hand me her binky and say "fix it" because her hair would get stuck to it. Throw up would get stuck in her hair. Each time we washed her hair, her hair would fall out by the handful.  After we shaved her head she would rub her head and look at James with an expression of "what happened."

So many thoughts go through your head while you sit in that little room.  My thoughts mostly turn to our Savior and all that He did for us.  Each one of us will or are facing our own personal mountain to climb.  Elder Eyring gave a talk in 2012, during Nicole's first journey with cancer, titled "Mountain to Climb".  I have read and re-read that talk over the past two years.  In a section he talks about his mother who suffered from cancer. 

"My mother fought cancer for nearly 10 years. Treatments and surgeries and finally confinement to her bed were some of her trials.

I remember my father saying as he watched her take her last breath, “A little girl has gone home to rest.”

One of the speakers at her funeral was President Spencer W. Kimball. Among the tributes he paid, I remember one that went something like this: “Some of you may have thought that Mildred suffered so long and so much because of something she had done wrong that required the trials.” He then said, “No, it was that God just wanted her to be polished a little more.” I remember at the time thinking, “If a woman that good needed that much polishing, what is ahead for me?”"

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/04/mountains-to-climb?lang=eng

I guess our family still needs a little more polishing:)