Be Still, And Know That I Am God

Since Nicole was intubated early yesterday afternoon (Sunday, 10/19), things have mostly settled down into a state of wait-and-see.  Between the mechanical breathing, sedation, chill mat, and pain medicine, her heart rate has been mostly ranging between 150 to 170 beats-per-minute, which is certainly a better than what it has been, though not great.  It has even gotten down into the 130s for a period of time, which is very good, and her other vital signs have been mostly good/stable as well.  This is the outcome that was hoped for - which is simply to buy some time to see if something can still be done to help her.

The blood virus (HHV-6) that she had previously and had gotten cleared has shown up again, so they're treating for that.  However, getting rid of that in and of itself will not solve the problem.

The doctors are still investigating things, and it'll be another day or so before all results are in, but things aren't good; the truth is, the only way Nicole survives this is by God intervening to spare her life.

This morning as I was praying, a scripture which became a familiar friend in July 2012 came to mind: "Be still, and know that I am God" (Psalms 46:10), and then, "Therefore, let your hearts be comforted concerning [Nicole]; for all flesh is in mine hands; be still and know that I am God." (Doctrine and Covenants 101:16).  I wondered if this meant that the ultimate outcome would be the same as in 2012, or if I was reading too much into it, since these scriptures would apply equally well if the Lord takes her from mortality.  Then another scripture came to my mind, one that I came across purely by chance, back in January, before we knew Nicole had relapsed: "In those days was Hezekiah sick unto death. And Isaiah the prophet the son of Amoz came unto him, and said unto him, Thus saith the Lord, Set thine house in order: for thou shalt die, and not live. Then Hezekiah turned his face toward the wall, and prayed unto the Lord, And said, Remember now, O Lord, I beseech thee, how I have walked before thee in truth and with a perfect heart, and have done that which is good in thy sight. And Hezekiah wept sore. Then came the word of the Lord to Isaiah, saying, Go, and say to Hezekiah, Thus saith the Lord, the God of David thy father, I have heard thy prayer, I have seen thy tears: behold, I will add unto thy days fifteen years. And I will deliver thee and this city out of the hand of the king of Assyria: and I will defend this city." (Isaiah 38:1-6).

Nine months ago, through this scripture, the Spirit bore witness to my spirit again that we would have Nicole "for a time".  Neither Cathy nor I feel that Nicole will have a long, long life, but I felt that the Lord was promising me through this scripture that Nicole would be with us for a while.  As this scripture came to my mind again this morning, it seemed like God was saying, "James, be patient, and have faith."

As Cathy and I have talked and prayed today, we know that this time is different.  Neither of us feel the absolute assurance that Nicole's life will be preserved, as we have at times in the past.  Cathy said that she has felt the Lord tell her that Nicole will be made "alive in Christ".

We do not know what will happen with Nicole; the Lord seems to be purposefully leading us along one step at a time right now, leaving us to step into the darkness, relying on His guidance hour by hour.  As Cathy told me tonight, it is time to step out of the boat, onto the water, and trust wholly on the Lord, and let Him lead us where He may.  We both feel that before the week is done, the path we must take with Nicole will be revealed.