Back in the hospital

Nicole was admitted back into the ICS unit today (10-9-14).  Her body isn't clearing up the staph infection in her central line.  The bone marrow team decided to pull the central line. She had surgery today to remove it.  Nicole is too complex to leave the line out or put in a PICC line.  She will get a new central line back in when they know the infection is completely gone, probably on Monday.

The past two weeks have been filled with up and downs.  I really can't complain.  Nicole is in a good place.  The challenges Nicole has been experiencing are part of the healing from her transplant (other than her central line infection).  She has had three hospital admits over the past week.  It's been hard to feel organized.

I have felt overwhelmed coming back home to Hyrum. We have spent more time back in the hospital than actually being home.  Even before I came home to Hyrum, I would tell James I was not sure I was ready to go home. What I meant was I am not ready to deal with the emotional part of healing.  I like to be hidden away where I can just be me. I felt "safe" in West Valley.  I was allowed to be me.  I didn't worry if I was offending someone or having my words twisted.  I was able to have a lot of time to read the words of the prophets and to spend time with the Lord.  I was reminded of who I am and that I am a daughter of God. 

James, myself, and our children have learned lessons that have taught us of our strengths. In a talk by Elder Ballard, he shares an experience that Brother Madsen had:  "Brother Truman G. Madsen tells about a visit he made to Israel with President Hugh B. Brown, an Apostle of the Lord who served as both Second and First Counselor in the First Presidency. In a valley known as Hebron, where tradition has it that the tomb of Father Abraham is located, Brother Madsen asked President Brown, “What are the blessings of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob?” After a short moment of thought, President Brown answered, “Posterity.”

Brother Madsen writes: “I almost burst out, ‘Why, then, was Abraham commanded to go to Mount Moriah and offer his only hope of posterity?’

“It was clear that [President Brown], nearly ninety, had thought and prayed and wept over that question before. He finally said, ‘Abraham needed to learn something about Abraham’” (The Highest in Us [1978], 49)." (https://www.lds.org/ensign/1998/10/the-law-of-sacrifice?lang=eng)

Nicole in her room in ICS.

Nicole getting ready for surgery. 
If you notice she won't look at the camera for any of her pictures. 

Nicole back in her room after her surgery.