Our Little Nicole: Lead, Kindly Light

Nicole is 36 days post transplant:) Things are going well. Her blood counts went down this week but not enough to cause concern. We will see what next week labs say. They are slowly increasing her feeds, she is now up to 2 cups a day. Hopefully in a few weeks they can stop her IV nutrition. She won't eat anything by mouth, yet. She still has a long road to eating. She will start speech therapy this week to help with her oral aversion.

She stills throws up every morning (we did have one glorious day where she didn't). She's also had a hard time sleeping. Last night was another rough one for us. As I sat in the rocking chair crying with her. I was praying, telling Heavenly Father how hard this was and all the challenges I felt. How grateful I am for a loving Heavenly Father who lets me be mad, hurt and frustrated. He wraps His arms around me to continue to strengthen me. He brings mostly Primary Songs and Hymns to my mind to bring me comfort. The past few nights He has brought the words to Lead, Kindly Light. I am not super familiar with this song. The line " The night is dark, and I am far from home" keeps coming into my mind. I went to lds.org to look up the words.

Lead, kindly Light, amid th'encircling gloom;

Lead thou me on!

The night is dark, and I am far from home;

Lead thou me on!

Keep thou my feet; I do not ask to see

The distant scene--one step enough for me.(Hymn 97)

I then found this story by President Monson:

"When I reflect on the race of life, I remember another type of race, even from childhood days. My friends and I would take pocketknives in hand and, from the soft wood of a willow tree, fashion small toy boats. With a triangular-shaped cotton sail in place, each would launch his crude craft in the race down the relatively turbulent waters of Utah’s Provo River. We would run along the river’s bank and watch the tiny vessels sometimes bobbing violently in the swift current and at other times sailing serenely as the water deepened.

During a particular race we noted that one boat led all the rest toward the appointed finish line. Suddenly, the current carried it too close to a large whirlpool, and the boat heaved to its side and capsized. Around and around it was carried, unable to make its way back into the main current. At last it came to an uneasy rest amid the flotsam and jetsam that surrounded it, held fast by the tentacles of the grasping green moss.

The toy boats of childhood had no keel for stability, no rudder to provide direction, and no source of power. Inevitably, their destination was downstream—the path of least resistance.

Unlike toy boats, we have been provided divine attributes to guide our journey. We enter mortality not to float with the moving currents of life but with the power to think, to reason, and to achieve.

Our Heavenly Father did not launch us on our eternal voyage without providing the means whereby we could receive from Him guidance to ensure our safe return. I speak of prayer. I speak too of the whisperings from that still, small voice; and I do not overlook the holy scriptures, which contain the word of the Lord and the words of the prophets—provided to us to help us successfully cross the finish line." (https://www.lds.org/ensign/2012/05/the-race-of-life?lang=eng)

It feels like Nicole still has a lot left on this marathon course we are on, but "one step is enough for me" as He leads me along.

Cherish every moment!!