Visiting Miss Nicole

Steroids, Cheese and Burdens

{This was written by my mom, Cathy}

Thursday (March 6) was Nicole last dose of chemo for this round of treatment.  We now just need to wait for her ANC to improve and then we will be able to come home for a few days before we start round 2. 

Since our last post, Nicole just wasn't keeping anything down.  They took her off feeds and just put her on lipids and TPN.  That helped a lot with her nausea. 

The last few days Nicole been starting to feel better. She's been wanting to eat.  She will usually only eat a bit or two, but that is a huge improvement.  Nicole would scream for cheese (with the steroids she just screams). The staff has been super cute to make sure she gets all the cheese she wants (even though she will take one bit, the mucositious causes it to hurt when she swallows).  They are also going to try to start the feeds back up very cautiously and we will see how that will go.

Nicole also finished up her second round of steroids for this block of treatment.  The steroids turned her into a grumpy kid.  She screamed and screamed.  The staff would come in and she would just say "no way, sorry". It was cute how she would apologize for yelling at them. The steroids also caused her blood pressure to increase.  They have her on blood pressure medication.  Hopefully, they can try to decrease that and get her off before we get to go home.

A few days ago James was talking to the girls about our challenges we are facing.  He shared Mosiah 24:12-16

"And Alma and his people did not raise their voice to the Lord their God, but did pour out their hearts to him; and he did know the thoughts of their hearts.

And it came to pass the voice of the Lord came to them in their affiliations, saying: Lift up your heads and be of good comfort, for I know of the covenant which yet have made unto me; and I will covenant with my people and deliver them out of bondage.

And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that he may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, after that he may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.

And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.

And it came to pass that so great was their faith and their patience that the voice of the Lord came unto them again, saying:  be of good comfort, for on the marrow I will deliver you out of bondage."

Notice the Lord didn't say he would remove the burdens. He said He would "ease the burdens".  I too bear my witness the the Lord eases our burdens that they may be light.  He does strengthen you when you call upon him and keep your covenants. As we, the Peterson family, exercise and continue to be patient we too will have our burdens eased.

Every Wednesday the hospital plays a game of bingo.  Every child wins a prize. Here is Nicole playing bingo with her side kick kermit:)

Miracles

{Written by my Dad, James}

Saturday, 2014-03-01 

I know that there is a God in Heaven, and that He hears and answers the prayers of His children. 

Nicole is currently at about the mid-point of her first chemotherapy block; from the last few days through the next week or so is the very worst part of the block, and she received chemotherapy again today.  We had a funeral to attend and our wonderful niece, Erin, sat with Nicole for about 6 hours - Nicole loves Erin, and she is a huge support to us.  Later in the afternoon, we (me, Cathy, Rachel, Ana, Michelle, and Laura) were able to spend some time together as a family with Nicole.  She was not feeling well, but it was good for Nicole to see her sisters, and for them to see her.  Cathy (and Nicole) stayed at PCMC, and I drove home with our other daughters in the late afternoon. 

This evening, after we'd been home for about a half hour, Cathy called; Nicole was very upset and crying (I could hear Nicole wailing quite clearly over the phone).  Cathy said that she'd been going like this for over an hour, and nothing Cathy did made any difference; Nicole was inconsolable.  We knew there would be times like this, but it is still hard to witness her suffering, even though, in this case, I was only hearing it over the phone.  Nicole typically endures a significant amount of discomfort without complaint, and the hospital staff does their best to manage her pain, but in addition to that challenge, one of the steroids she is receiving can cause irritability, anxiety, confusion, anger, and psychosis, among other things. 

I thought to myself, I know that there are many, many people praying for Nicole.  They may not be praying right this instant, and they don't know about this specific challenge she's going through, but people are calling upon God and exercising great faith in Him in my daughter's behalf, and she needs the blessing of that right now. 

I also recalled that when the Savior was suffering for our sins in the Garden of Gethsemane, it is written that "he prayed more earnestly."  So it seems that even the Son of God, who walked a perfect life, and who prayed continually to His Father, could, when the circumstance demanded it, pray "more earnestly."  Luke recorded (in Luke 22:44): "And being in an agony, he prayed more earnestly: and his sweat was as it were great drops of blood falling down to the ground." 

I got off the phone with Cathy and gathered my four other daughters at home with me, and we knelt down and united ourselves in prayer, and petitioned our Heavenly Father to exercise His power and give her respite from her pain, and to speak comfort to her spirit.  It was not a particularly lengthy prayer, but it was earnest. 

A few minutes later, Cathy texted, "She calmed down".  I know that there is a God in Heaven, and that He hears and answers the prayers of His children. 

Last month, I attended a fast and testimony meeting in the Hyrum 7th ward.  A young girl named Emma bore her testimony and said, "I know that God loves us, and that He cries with us."  This was before we knew Nicole had relapsed, but I gave a wholehearted "Amen" at the conclusion of her brief testimony because of things I'd witnessed during Nicole's first battle with AML and ALL. 

I do not know the meaning of all things, but I do know that God loves His children (see 1NE 11:17), and I do know that He cries with us.  And I am most grateful for His immediate response in blessing Nicole this evening. 

Miracles like this happen all of the time, and they help to strengthen me at the other times when God's response isn't what I desire, and is simply, "Be patient," instead.

Polishing

{Written by my Mom, Cathy}

This week Nicole is starting to feel the effects of chemo. Her ANC is now at zero, which means she is confined to her room. 

She stopped eating and after four days of not eating they decided that it was time to put in a feeding tube.  Since they put in the feeding she has thrown it up several times. When she vomits, the feeding tube comes up. As a result, they need to put it back in almost every day sometimes more then once. 

She has lost a lot of energy and mostly wants to lay in her bed and watch movies.  She needed blood and two platelet transfusion this week. These transfusions help increase her energy levels. We call her our little vampire:)

We also had to make the decision to shave her hair off because it was beginning to fall out.  Her hair was covering her bed and pillow. She would hand me her binky and say "fix it" because her hair would get stuck to it. Throw up would get stuck in her hair. Each time we washed her hair, her hair would fall out by the handful.  After we shaved her head she would rub her head and look at James with an expression of "what happened."

So many thoughts go through your head while you sit in that little room.  My thoughts mostly turn to our Savior and all that He did for us.  Each one of us will or are facing our own personal mountain to climb.  Elder Eyring gave a talk in 2012, during Nicole's first journey with cancer, titled "Mountain to Climb".  I have read and re-read that talk over the past two years.  In a section he talks about his mother who suffered from cancer. 

"My mother fought cancer for nearly 10 years. Treatments and surgeries and finally confinement to her bed were some of her trials.

I remember my father saying as he watched her take her last breath, “A little girl has gone home to rest.”

One of the speakers at her funeral was President Spencer W. Kimball. Among the tributes he paid, I remember one that went something like this: “Some of you may have thought that Mildred suffered so long and so much because of something she had done wrong that required the trials.” He then said, “No, it was that God just wanted her to be polished a little more.” I remember at the time thinking, “If a woman that good needed that much polishing, what is ahead for me?”"

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/04/mountains-to-climb?lang=eng

I guess our family still needs a little more polishing:)